More Poetry

Run


It hurts when you talk and talk.
Talking and not listening.
It hurts when you talk so much
I can't hear myself


It hurts when you won't listen
All I can do is run away.
I want to be with you too.
It hurts when you won't listen


So I run away.
Run to my hideaway
Its no use, you don't care to know me anyway.




Fuck

Fucking slit his throat and spit down his neck.


What the fuck? Its been three years already!


Fucking tie him to the bed and shove his own dick up his ass


What the fuck! He was my goddamned pastor!


Fucking cover him in gasoline, then make him drink it.


What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?


Choke on the gasoline motherfucker. Choke on it!!!


This prison I am in, He made this for me.


This prison, this everyday torture. soiled by his unintelligible desires


This prison you put me in, like the grey walls of Mansfield


Grey walls, grey skies, grey skin. crimson blood flows


This prison he put me in, a world of hate and crime.


Nothing I can do, just scream until my throat bleeds.


I gag on phlegm and razor wire.


Fuck you asshole! I don't want to heal anymore.


Fuck you asshole! These wounds are too deep.


Fuck you asshole! Fuck you! Fuck you!


Your own mother regrets giving birth to you. You worthless strand of defective DNA. The world would be better off without your entire bloodline.



Sparrow


You have joined me in sorrow, I have found peace.

You have curled into a ball beside me, I have found safety


You have screamed at the walls with me, I have been validated.


You have wept I have been comforted.


You have touched me I have been brought back


You have held me close when all others abandoned me


You have loved me when all I knew was hate


You have seen the worst I am getting better.


You are my healer I am mending.



if only   

if only he hadn't died
if only she had shown up
if only they had listened
if only I had been raised differently

if only he had lived
if only she had not worked so much
if only they had told me I was going to be ok
If only I was allowed to be

if only he was stronger
if only she was stronger
if only they were stronger
if only I was stronger

if only he didn't come back
if only she didn't idolize him
if only they knew the truth
if only I was told I didn't need him

If only he didn't do that
if only she heard me
if only they stopped it
if only I never knew him

If only he didn't lie
if only she didn't send me there
if only they didn't deny it
if only he didn't fuck me in the ass

if only I could strike a deal with the time gods and turn back time.
then it could be different.
then it didn't happen
then it never was
then was never imagined

then I could be a real boy
then I could be a real man
then I could control this
then I could be better  




Shame

Your shame was too heavy, so you put it on me.
Accustomed to your shame, like an invisible cloak, I hid from everyone.
Your shame became my shame.
Clutching it close like gollum's “precious” I became the shame.
My life, my love, all became one, the precious you placed on me.
In despair and desperation I cried out,   
“It’s not mine! It’s not mine! but thine!”


CHOOSE

I will choose to NOT suffer. I will choose to feel happiness. I will choose to feel bliss. I will choose to feel love. I will choose to not suffer. I will feel the pain. I will not dwell on it. I will let it be. I will let it pass. I will choose to live. I will choose to be me. I will choose to exist. I will choose the now. I will choose to not suffer. I will let it go. I will chose to let you go. I will be me,